Marketing consultant — honest audit of a pre-launch DTC novelty brand

We're about to launch a DTC novelty brand: premium crayons for adults, sold with deadpan dark humor — Liquid Death's playbook applied to a $11.99 impulse product. Single SKU, Shopify store, brand and packaging done, video ad scripts written. Nothing has launched, no ad dollars spent. Before we spend money, we want an experienced marketer to review everything and tell us the truth. You'll review: the live Shopify site, ad creative and scripts, brand positioning and packaging, and the overall go-to-market plan (humor-driven social/video ads, UGC as the content engine). This is very early so everything is not fully built. Deliverables: a written audit — what's strong, what's weak, what you'd change, including the product idea itself; blunt is good — plus a ~1 hour video call to walk through it. This is consulting, not execution, though a strong audit could lead to ongoing launch work. You're a fit if you have launched or grown DTC brands (ideally low-AOV impulse products), understand humor-driven brands like Liquid Death or Duke Cannon, know what converts on Meta/TikTok, and will tell a founder their idea has problems rather than polish what exists. To apply: name one DTC brand you've worked on and what you did, and give your one-paragraph gut reaction to this positioning: "premium crayons for adults, marketed like a funeral home with a sense of humor." We're testing instincts, not asking for free work. Site URL and assets shared with shortlisted applicants. Screening questions In your intro: Describe a DTC brand you've helped launch or grow, and your specific role. What's your honest first reaction to the concept described above?